From the Ground Up

The day somberly takes shape beneath
Comings and goings of many errands,
While I sift through shadows
For lightheartedness.

It’s got to be here somewhere.
Where did I leave it last?
Did I put it down, distracted,
Now failing to recall it’s location?

I am not unhappy,
Just strangely subdued,
Humbled by a shifting,
Unsolid world.

A prism of full spectrum feeling:
Beautiful and bold,
Soulful, sharp and fleeting,
Soft joy changing gently.

I interact with others,
speechless somewhere inside.
So moved I am paralyzed,
Returning to the present one breath at a time.

It feels, sometimes,
As if I might dissolve entirely
Eclipsed by a greater, more vivid,
More elusive star than the sun.

Standing on the edge, frontier of my self,
I marvel at its intricacy,
How it completes the puzzle of being
Love, fragile and hesitant.

That line drawn in the sand
I’ve been staring at for hours?
I know I will cross it,
But for what reasons and what time and in what way,

Enfolds itself in mystery,
A crane born from a paper sky,
A question mark with the power
To permanently alter who I think I am.

Transparent as cascading water,
All I sought to hold onto
Becomes fluid.
I am struggling with nothing.

The stars reflected
In the pools of possibility,
Collected in the land’s lost hollows,
Shine almost forgotten.

I gather them in cupped hands,
Hand them out where they’re needed.
This light I share with everyone,
It isn’t mine.

All I’ve held certain
Gets turned on its head
In the blink of an eye,
And I am fumbling in a once familiar landscape.

How am I? Indeed.
And yet, almost inconceivably,
Regarding myself like a child
Has never been easier.

So much room to grow and stumble and wonder,
A space so heart-breakingly forgiving,
It is impossible to fill it
With tears or awe or terror.

Only trust lives here,
The kind that leaves you shaking,
But somehow still safe.
A kind of ground zero:

Where we try ourselves at being,
Over and over and over,
Without judgment,
Without attempting anything.

The ones who continually catch us,
Whether we plummet or fall flying,
Rock us to our foundations
With the caring attention given to newborns.

So that in the moments we let go,
Suddenly we wake
And briefly remember our origins,
Imprinted as they are the heart of us.


7 thoughts on “From the Ground Up

    1. Oh yikes not literally! LOL! Complete utter metaphor there!

      Hmmmmm, I think I just meant that sometimes I’ve simultaneously experienced almost every conceiveable feeling under the sun, and the only way to just go with it is… get bigger than your small self, and maybe then be a little less overwhelmed. You know fortunately that lasts for less than a minute and literal dissolving isn’t even a remotely potential side effect. Thank goodness for that! 🙂

      Oh and also I’ve been reading about a particularly buddhist understanding of the world in which everything is a dream, not solid, constantly changing, and making my head feel like it will explode — but again, not literally! Why do we have such violent metaphors anyway?

      1. Ha! Well I’m glad you cleared that one up! I think I kind of understand tbat feeling… its like spreading yourself so thin that you feel your atoms could easily just come apart…

    2. Now to be more serious, in challenges, lately, I am going back to the foundations of things. That’s not like dissolving a substance into something else which turns it into a completely other thing, it’s like rebuilding an unstable house with the same basic building blocks to make it something you can safely live in. I’m sure I could find a better metaphor, because really most words I can think of have connotations I don’t want to make. It’s just interesting that in the midst of experiencing that kind of change, the distinction I just made doesn’t translate always into a difference in feeling, emotionally, though obviously there’s a huge substantive difference. And also, unlike dissolving, which could potentially be a really messy big problem, changing can sometimes be very fun. 🙂

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