Dying to Live

Surrendering all I have to hold
I am finally held fast, safe in your arms

Falling free from every familiar foundation
I am firmly rooted, your enduring love, solid ground

Without a mirror of my own
I am slowly recovering pieces of restored reflection

Finding myself radiantly shining
The light in me revealing vast seas of deep shadow

Solemnly, I sift through memory’s rubble, cities of shame
Struggling to recognize my strengths, strewn among ruins

My grief turns the soil for each seed of growing
I have watered them all with my tears

Tattered wrappings, every wound unwound
Each emerging, red and raw, soothed in silence

Undone, unraveled, unwoven
I have only the whispered hintings at wholeness

With tender care, I am turned transparent
Trusting and trembling in the dark of unknowing

Now the reverent hush of stillness
Rest in the soft light, gentle, mending

Now passing through the sunless shelter
Pursued by my panic, though always protected

Now crossing the burning sands
Rekindling resilience, forgotten flames of anger

Now stirring as storms and streams
Leaping through lightning, relearning languages of laughter

And together, we will fly on wings of sorrow and solace
Grey and green


3 thoughts on “Dying to Live

  1. Can’t believe I missed this, Èilis! Stanza 5 is just stunning, ‘sifting through memories rubble, cities of shame… love that. Sorry I’ve not been around much. Life gets in the way, you know how that goes. Hope all is well with You, dear friend. Xxx

    1. Thanks, Ali! Oh yes, I definitely know how that is. The same reason it’s taken so long for me to respond to your comment. 🙂 Life is taking off for me, Ali, I am doing well! I have so much to catch you up on. I promise I will email you in the next week or so and give you a proper update, and make a serious attempt to not make it epic like I sometimes ended up doing in the past. 🙂 I’d love to hear how you are getting on, too. How is Carys, and your boys, and how are you? When do classes start for you? Are you still writing outside your blog and school?

    2. Oh and now that I am thinking about it, I think I am at the sands of anger stage I referred to in the above poem. Which, counterintuitively, is a wonderful thing. It gets gnarly but is so empowering! And I had no idea how accurate, or I guess appropriate all these metaphors would be. But in a way I am not surprised. Some of this was definitely suggestions written through me, so I would have a bit of a heads up about the map we’d be following. I’ve been grateful for that. 🙂

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